The Sunday Currently | 11

The Sunday Currently | 11

Finally getting back to posting here. It's been way too long since I last visited my blog. I posted a entry about the reason why. Anyways, as I always say, the link up is here.

Reading Perfect People by Peter James. I've actually just finished it minutes ago. Hmm.. I've had that book for years and I've never gotten to finishing the first chapters. It took me about 2 years to pick it up again. The book was okay. Some parts I didn't like because of the scientific aspects, some parts I couldn't let the book go. I even stayed up until 3 in the morning yesterday.

Writing this post + the new vocabulary I found on the book above. I always write down any new vocabulary I've never heard before, write them down and read them from time to time.

Listening Exo's Peter Pan. My sister is going down memory lane and her Exo-L days listening to Exo's old songs. 

Smelling the Glade perfume on the wall socket 

Wishing for a cute boyfriend lol honestly who doesn't? 

Hoping for my cousin's student visa to be approved!!!! I really hope she gets approved. We've been waiting for so long.

Wearing a grey T-shirt from Forever 21 and a spandex

Loving this particular ice cream cone!!! I don't know the brand name but the convenience store near my house sells it! I had it last week and then I just kept coming and buying it. I bet the owner's like wtf

Wanting a chocolate milkshake!!! I've been craving since last week. I went to McDonalds last week because I found out they sell milkshakes like what?? I didn't know that. I've tried it and got disappointed.

Needing a hot shower

Feeling lethargic because of the heat. 

Clicking through the website of our public library. Looking for other books that will catch my attention

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Now back to the vocab notes I was writing. Ciao.

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My Whereabouts

I can't believe it's been a whole full year since my last post wow. To anyone reading this (if there is even anyone lol), hello, I hope you are doing amazing today. It's so hard to convey a year long whereabout in one post but I'll try really hard to summarize where I've been and what I've been doing. If you're reading this, please do try to stay and read everything.d

I was diagnosed with stage 2 papillary thyroid cancer almost a year ago. It was such a scary experience and to be honest, I still don't know if it sunk in yet that I actually /had/ the C word. Yes. Cancer. Never in a million years did I except to get it. You know, you go day to day thinking you'll never get it and then bam, you have it. At first I didn't want to believe it. Like, out of all the serial killers and pedophiles, I'm the one to get cancer. How unfair right? Life is always unfair. To make matters worst than it already is, I was put on the urgent list of surgeries. The cancer was as big as a golf ball. Had radioactive iodine therapy and was given the "based on the result, it is very clear that you have no evidence of any metastasis cancer cells." Cancer free since June 2018. Forever on a Synthroid maintenance.

I also graduated college 2 months ago! I found out I was cancer free the day after my convocation. Anyways, after 5 years of on-and-off relationship with college, I was finally able to graduate. My diagnosis came during my last semester. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't be able make it in time but my lovely professors had helped me so so much! They were so understanding and its quite touching. The one that went above and beyond was my Statistics professor. We had a heart to heart talk about my situation and how he's going to accommodate me, I cried in front of him. All my professors were amazing though.

I also went to a Seventeen concert!!! This was way way back in August 2017. I was contemplating whether to go or save up for Wanna One because duh Minhyun and Seongwoo and Wanna One was going to disband but I fought my own demons and decided to see my bias group. It was such a surreal experience. I will never forget it. Though the organizer was a fail, from not sending the Carat bongs in time and putting huge ass speakers on the left side of the venue so most of us couldn't see the front. I kept moving and the bodyguard might have been pissed so he moved me to VIP instead. I didn't take a lot of photos. I will never understand the concept of just taking photos and videos during concerts to the point you're literally watching it from your phone. I paid 500 bucks for my sister and I, I AM SEEING THEM WITH MY ACTUAL EYES. Here's one of the few photos I took.

I don't have a decent photo because I was screaming and jumping the whole time.

Now you know where I've been and what I did. I was in the hospital most of the time. Getting poked by needles and getting radiation and being unhealthy. I still feel a lot like meeh up until now. My endo told me that sometimes it takes a whole year to adjust my Synthroid medicine to the right dosage so I might feel fatigued and just basically dead tired all the time. I also developed vertigo after getting a biopsy. This is the culprit of why I couldn't attend one of my best friend's funeral. He died a few days before my birthday last year. Died of bone cancer.

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가끔

You know there are times, so many times, where I would write my thoughts and feelings in this blog but never actually publishes it. I don't know. I just feel like it shouldn't be posted because who would want to read such a negative post in the first place? No one. Usually, these "posts" are usually made between 2am to 3am, where my irrelevant thoughts are usually scattered everywhere.

Sometimes when I listen to music during these times, I suddenly think to myself, "what am I doing with my life?", "why did I end up like this?" and so many other things that just makes me feel useless. Why am I living my life this way when all my friends have already gone and fixed their lives. I would be lying if I say I'm not envious, I'm extremely envious. How nice would it be to have my life together like that too. I just don't know how to start over.

Why am I not able to get a job? It's been so long since I left my job. Maybe I shouldn't have left it. I should have just held in every insult the chefs and customers have made to me every shifts. Now I feel like I don't belong to anything and I feel so empty. I wanna feel like I belong again. But how do I do that when not even a convenience store would hire me. I just don't get it. My resume's not that bad looking.  I've got experience. I'm confused as to why I'm not getting calls and when I do get interviews, they always call me I'll call you back again which is the universal code to we dont want to hurt your feelings so we'll shoo you away with that sentence, have your hopes up for the next 2 weeks and not receive any call at all.

My life is such a mess right now. I can't even. I don't know. I just. It's been like this for too long.

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I /had/ a Job

Ok first things first, this is probably going to be a long read. So if you have time and are curious, sit back and relax. I'd always write how much I needed a job on this blog. I needed money for myself, family emergencies and Seventeen also announced their tour in Toronto. So I thought if I applied for every open position on this job board, maybe I'd get at least one interview. And so I did. It was an attendant for a laundromat. I walked in, got interviewed and got the job. It was amazing since it was literally only blocks away from my house. I could go literally go home for my break and come back and still have time. That's how close it was.

Prior to my first day, I wouldn't say I slept early but I slept earlier than when I usually do. It was around 11pm when I settled down on my bed. But no matter how much I try to sleep, I just couldn't. My heart would beat so fast without any reason and I actually got on twitter and told my friends through direct message. Eventually I did fall asleep around 2am but was met with a heart palpitations so severe it woke me up and could hear it. Out of nowhere, I just felt like I needed to search up reviews on my job.

I wasn't expecting anything to come up since it was just a small landromat. But I was shocked to click on a website with complaints from previous employees. In the website, a former employee stated that he always comes up with an excuse saying a newly hired employee quit. Before I went to sleep, he had actually called me to say that the newly hired college girl quit on the spot. I didn't find it suspicious it was the time before I checked the reviews. It also says there that he was a drug addict and a high key pervert. Another employee commented that when she used to work there, he would rub against her.

I definitely could not sleep. I ended up sleeping at 4am. My mom went in an hour later to wake up me. I was afraid to tell her about it since she was so happy about me finally getting a job but I had texted my sister about it the moment I find the website. She was concerned and she usually does not show her feelings. So I was surprised. But something told me that I should tell my mom and then I did. She said she suddenly feels weird and nervous that something was going to happen to me. But I went anyway. My shift was 8am when it was initially 4pm. Remember when he said an employee quit? He told me to take her morning shift instead.

So I walked to work but he was late for about 15-20 minutes. I was waiting outside for so long and I'm the type of person who are always cold so I was dying out there. He eventually apologized for being tardy and not even 5 minutes in, he said that he forgot something at home and that he would come back home, get it and would be back to the store in a few seconds. I thought hmm okay maybe his house is near. I got customers who were angry because I couldn't take their clothes because I still don't know how to work their things. Not unless they wanted me to ruin their clothes. Few seconds my ass. It took him over an hour.  When he came back, he reeked of marijuana and the smell of the laundromat was unbearable.

He kept ordering me to do a task and before I could even finish it, he'd order me to do things again. And before I finished that task, he'd make me do something else again. He probably made me do about 20 chores in which all of them, I had not finished because he was constantly telling me to drop it and go to another task. He also got angry because I poured the soap first when he said it should have been the fabric softener first. Like what the fuck? He kept touching my hand when he was teaching me how to fold clothes. Bitch, I'm 22, don't you think I know how to fold clothes? A fucking pervert. During break, he kept inviting me to his office to eat. His non-existent office.

I spent 7 hours there before I thought I really can't take this anymore. At the same time, he screamed at me to keep up the fast pace because I still have a lot of things to do. Mind you that this was 30 minutes before my time is done. So I told him, what do you mean, its almost my time and I also have an appointment moved this afternoon since you changed my shift. During that time, a female walked in and asked if he's hiring. She got hired on the spot without even looking at her resume. So I was wondering if she had not came in, he would have probably kept me in there for another 8 hours because I realized, I was the only employee in that day. He told me he'll see me on Thursday (which is today) but I didn't tell him I'm quitting.

I left before my time and asked my other sister (the youngest) to meet me at the library near the place. I told her everything and I told my second sister when we got home and she said "you are so weak, if he constantly touched me, I would have ripped his balls with my own hands." Sent laughter to the 3 of us. I told my mom when she got home and she wanted to march down to the place and kill him. Told my dad and he surprisingly told me to quit and not even take the money. He usually just tells me to suck it up when I complain about work.

Wednesday night, he kept calling my phone but I didn't answer. He probably wants me to come in early because the new employee quit But that's just my theory. My mom told me to leave a message saying I quit because I was afraid to face him personally and tell him I aint coming back. So I waited until the store was closed and I left a message. Thursday morning, a few hours before this post, he kept calling and even left a message. I still have not opened it.

I'm sad that I don't have a job anymore and money for Seventeen concert and for my personal use but that's how I quit on the first day of work. But I'm so happy that I don't have to see that pervert drug addict man.

Cheers!

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The Sunday Currently | 10

Oh gosh! It's been a long time since I've last posted a Sunday Currently post! I have been so busy with my winter semester, it's been hella crazy, tiring and exhausting. I couldn't remember when was the last time I posted here. I wasn't able to reply to comments as well. Sorry! I've got 2 more weeks left of school and I'm still looking for a summer job because I won't be able to afford my summer semester ㅠㅠ. Anyways, I have some time to do a post, so here it is.

The Sunday Currently | 10

Reading Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Writing this post + my importing final exam review notes 

Listening Nuest's Hello!! I can't believe this song has been released years ago. I remember this was my bop when I was in high school. I was watching PD 101 season 2 and they played it during Nues't's introduction and I can't believe I forgot about it. It's now on repeat.

Smelling that Glade thing you plug on the power socket and it makes the room smells good lol

Wishing for the semester to end well.

Hoping the two-toned lip tint I ordered to arrive faster!!! 

Wearing a jeggings + my H&M striped top

Loving scrolling through Instagram that posts bullet journal photos!! I've been so obsessed with them lately

Wanting to buy cute school supplies for my bullet journalling obsession 

Needing a job lol. How long have I've been saying this?

Feeling sick. Boo. I caught a cold a few days ago.

Clicking through my email and deleting unnecessary spam mails.  

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Yey. Now I should be back to studying. I still have 2 more big assignments left for the semester OTL. 

Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

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Open Letter | Best Friend

I've been contemplating whether I should start an open letter series on this blog. I don't know how long I will be active on blogger and it would be nice to have something to look and think woah was I like that during my younger days. Something to ponder when I get older you know. So for my first open letter series, I introduce you to an open letter to my former best friend.

Time sure does fly. 10 years. 

It's been 10 freaking long years. How the heck have you been? I don't really know where, when and why our relationship started falling apart. I mean, I did have some assumptions and ideas after our encounter at school as to why. I know change is inevitable but I didn't think that would happen to us. But it did. Must have been a puberty thing, haha. You were growing into the man that I have always knew you were going to be. You have always been smart and you know what you've always wanted to be in life. 

I guess our views in life just didn't seem to match up. It's such a bummer that we drifted apart. When I first came to Canada, my world seemed so terrifying. Learning a new language that I didn't know, new environments and new friends seemed to terrify the shit out of me. I was barely 12. I still remember that first-time jitters that I felt as the principal accompanied me to the classroom. And there you were. You were smiling and everything and we hit it off right away! Everyone would be jealous of our friendship. Every lunch time, you would go to the corner store and buy me these unusual looking candies that I have never seen in my life. And everyone would keep begging me to give them. sigh. I miss the elementary life. Remember when we went to Science Centre? I don't want to get into the details of what we did there but I'm sure you remember it vividly because I do. I won first place there out of all the Catholic schools who entered the competition.

High school came. And everything just seemed to be changing around me. Even you. I saw you that day with a girl. To this day, I could still make up what that girl's face looked like. She gave me that look. You know that "why are you friends with her" look. Up to this day, I don't know if she was your girlfriend at the time. We just stopped talking after that. And I hate myself for it. I wonder if you feel the same as well.

I just want to let you know that even after all these years, I would still want to be your best friend in a heartbeat. Well, that is if you ever ask me again or if we ever meet again. I don't even know if you still live in the same address or if you're still in contact with our group of friends or if you still love that candy you always buy at the corner store near school. I'll always be here for you even if you're not.

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The Sunday Currently | 9

Yes, I'm so happy I did 2 post in 1 day. It's been a long time since I did my last Sunday Currently series. It's Sunday, that means school starts tomorrow for everyone except for me. Mine starts on the 11th. Another semester is waiting for me to stress about. Lmao but hopefully I kick its butt before it does to me. 

The Sunday Currently | 9

Reading David Levithan's Every Day plus my mentions and direct messages on Twitter

Writing this particular post

Listening to Seventeen's 웃음 꼿. It's an amazing song! It's my favourite song from their Going Seventeen album! Please give it a listen. 

Smelling nothing in particular. This part always makes me sniff out of nowhere.

Wishing my GPA to rise

Hoping (havent ordered it yet but) for my Seventeen album to arrive fast 

Wearing my Taekwondo pants, a white V-neck shirt and a hoodie

Loving Seventeen lately. I'm literally head over heels over them.

Wanting to collect all of Seventeen's albums and ahh everything!!

Needing a job to be able to fund my fangirl lifestyle

Feeling tired and sleepy! 

Clicking through Koreanmall and Yesstyle looking for things to buy

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This post felt so short I originally intended not to post it. But here it is anways. 

Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

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Book Goals in 2017

Hi, here again for another post. Why do I keep finding myself posting in the middle of the night. It's currently 2:09 in the morning. Anyways, I'm trying to keep my blog alive. Recently, I've decided I want to read more books in 2017. One of the reason is because of Seventeen's Wonwoo. One of his 2017 goals is to read 50 books a year. If he can read that much despite his hectic schedule, then what is stoping me? Another reason is that one of my friend, Andrea, has inspired me to start reading again. She probably doesn't even know that and probably will never see this post but if you ever do, hi! my little soft! 

Now, I've read a lot of books in the past, not that many compared to other people who are way into reading, but just enough for me to say a lot. But like I said, recently, I've wanted to read more books.
I've only ever started getting into books when I got to Canada. The first book I've ever laid my hands on was The Outsiders by S.E Hinton . It was a mandatory reading for all the grade 7s. We even had to watch the movie. To be honest, I don't remember what the book was about. It was just very memorable as it was the first book that was given to me on my first day of school.

The book that I will never forget is The Giver by Lois Lowry. Again, it was also a mandatory reading, for grade 8s this time. The story was something I've never even heard of. The setting of the book was so vivid into my mind, it made me think like I was actually in the story itself. Everytime I go into a bookstore and see The Giver, I always smile and think, Aaah this is THE book. I really love it. I recommend for everybody to give it a try!

I've finished the very first book of my 2017 book goal yesterday. It's called Walking on Water by Richard Paul Evans. It was very eye opening and it tugged at my heartstring. Not gonna lie, it really did make me shed a tear here and there. Gotta give it up to Mr. Evans. I've read another of his work and felt the same thing.

I went to the library earlier with my sisters to borrow more books that Andrea had posted on her Twitter thread. I'm impressed with her book thread as I realized we are kind into the same genre. We also love poetry. Here are the books that I've borrowed and on my reading list:

David Levithan - Everyday

David Levithan - Every You, Every Me

David Levithan - The Realm of Possibility

David Levithan - Love is the Higher Law

David Levithan - Are We There Yet?

Richard Paul Evans - Last December

Tamara Ireland Stone - Time Between Us

Ah! Now that I think about it, I should go and make a series about book reviews. Let's see how that goes. Good luck and happy reading to me! Also, if you have any book recommendations to share, please feel free to comment down below! I love reading books that people recommend. It's like peeking into a tiny part of their life. 

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Happy 2017!

I had a Christmas post saved in my drafts but it had already past so I guess I'll delete that and instead write this post. Anyways, although this is very late, I wish all the readers of this blog a Happy New Year! I hope happiness, luck and success only comes your way this 2017. I haven't done a lot of things last year and I wasn't proud of the things I did last year.

I am hoping 2017 treats me a little better this time. I need to make better decisions this year. I think the only sole reason why 2016 was meh was because of all the choices I've made. And I'm here to change that! I've even wrote a new years resolution that I really want to accomplish. I don't know what else to talk about so here is my little new years resolution.

- Work out

- Study hard

- Get all A+s on all my Jan 2016 subjects

- Continue learning/playing the guitar

- Get back on stretching 

- Get back on doing my skin care routine

- Stop procrastinating or at least lessen it. 

I used to make my resolutions every year but for some reason I can never follow it. Hope all of you guys are able to follow your own new years resolution as well! I believe the reason why people fail to follow their resolution is because they set up such a high standards on their list. Start from the basic and ask yourself if you are capable of doing it. Then the rest will follow. You will eventually be able to successfully do it! 

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Too Much Information

Look it's another post in a week. That's an improvement. I'm currently in campus waiting for my friend to arrive so we can talk to our academic counsellor on what we can do after we graduate college. Sigh, the adult life is pretty hard. I need to kill time and I saw somebody link her TMI tag post on my message board and I wanted to do it. This is going to be quite a long post so if you do stay until the end, you're awesome!

I was supposed to post this 2 days ago but I somehow forgot since I was doing my sister's essay. I literally just remembered it when I was about to go to bed. Anyways, here it is.

1. What are you wearing?
- My parka jacket, knit sweater, jeans from H&M, combat boots, a baseball hat and a knitted scarf

2. Ever been in love?
- I don't think I ever have been in love in terms of an actual real human being that I know personally.

3. Ever had a terrible break up?
- Not a breakup between a boyfriend and a girlfriend but more of a friendship break up. The guy and I  used to be the closest of friends back in elementary. I know it's been about 10 years but everytime I look back at our stupid memories, I kinda do miss it. The worst part is, there were no goodbyes said. He just thought I wasn't cool enough to be his best friend when we got into high school.

4. How tall are you?
- 150 cm. I'm too short for my age.

5. How much do you weigh?
- I'm barely 90 pounds.
P.S I eat a lot!!! I just don't gain anything. 

6. Any tattoos?
- Unfortunately no. My parents would karate chop my ass if I ever did get one. But I really want one!

7. Any piercing?
- I got my two earlobes pierced before I could even walk and talk

8. OTP?
- Being in the kpop fandom has sparked my interest in OTPs. lmao. Though I have no particular OTPs with my ultimate group, I do love me some CheolSoo, SoonHoon, Meanie, SoonWoo and JiHan. You probably don't even know who they are.

9. Favourite Show?
- I am not much of a TV person so I don't watch shows. Though I watch a of Korean dramas and variety shows. My favourite would be Running Man, The Return of Superman and Hello Counsellor for variety shows. I have too many for Korean dramas and I don't want to list a whole essay.

10. Favourite Bands?
- Does Seventeen count as a band? They're an idol group.

11. Something you miss?
- How life used to be so easy and drama-free back in elementary school. I want it back please!

12. Favourite song?
- As of now, my most listened song is Seventeen's Boom Boom and Smile Flower!!!

13. Hold old are you?
- 22 years old

14. Zodiac sign?
- ♏

15. Quality you look for in a partner?
- Hmm this is quite hard. I usually just start liking somebody if I like them. I do love it when a guy is family oriented, trustworthy, someone I can lean on. I'm not looking for the perfect man. Just somebody I can be with for the rest of my life. When did I get so cheesy?

16. Favourite quote?
- I don't have a particular favourite quote that I go by every single day. I'm into poetry and quotes that I find it hard to pick a favourite.

17. Favourite actor?
- Hwang Jung Eum and Jisung are one of my favourite actors. I'm not into Western celebrities as much so I don't know much about them.

18. Favourite colour
- anything pastels. Especially pink

19. Loud music or soft?
- This depends on what my mood is for the day. I like both.

20. Where do you go when you're sad?
- I'm not a very expressive person so I usually tend to just keep it inside and stay in my room.

21. How long does it take you to shower?
- Over an hour!! Though on most cases, when it's time for school, I can go as short as 5 minutes.

22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
- FOREVER. It takes me forever to get ready. My mom would be screaming to get in the car and I would still be in putting my jeans on. Everyone in the house hates me because of it lmao.

23. Ever been in a physical fight?
- I guess Taekwondo sparring can be considered a fight. 

24. Turn on's?
- When somebody smells so good and I love it when the other person smiles first when we have eye contact. It also turns me on when the guy has a good relationship with their family. I LOVE IT WHEN GUYS WEAR DRESS SHIRTS. I AM SCREAMING.

25.  Turn off's?
- When they swear too much. I know I swear too but I try to control it when I'm in public. I also hate it when they smoke and drink. Occasionally drinking is fine to me but bruh if you come at me drunk, I'll leave you on the ground passed out.

26. The reason I joined Blogger?
- I wanted to keep an online diary of my life back in elementary school. I've had numerous blogs from blogger, wordpress, tumblr and other sites but Blogger is the last one standing.

27. Fears?
- Hate cockroaches so much. You can make me touch a worm but not cockroaches. I also fear being alone in big intersections. It makes me nervous specially with all the car and truck noises around me.

28. Last thing that made you cry?
- Ahhhh!! That video I watched on youtube. Watch it here!!

29. Last time you said you loved someone?
- Today, I said I love Joshua a lot. I would take a bullet for you.

30. Meaning behind your blog URL?
- I'm into coffee shops though I don't drink coffee. I'm also generally bitter about everything so I thought bitterlattes would suffice lmao. I've actually had this url for a long time, even on Tumblr. Somebody on Tumblr stole the URL when I changed to another URL. 

31. Last book you read?
- To All The Boys I've Loved Before. didn't like it that much

32. The book you're currently reading?
- Was trying to re-read A Perfect Day. It was a great read!! An eye-opener.

33.  Last show you watched?
- I watched half of The Return of Superman last night before going to bed

34. Last person you talked to?
- My mom after she dropped me off to school 2 hours ago.

35. The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- She is my sister

36. Favourite food?
- I don't really have a favourite food. I just eat what I feel like eating. No such thing as that. I like whatever I eat.

37. Places you want to visit?
- Seoul is the number 1 on my list!!!! Next would be Philippines, I haven't been back in 10 years!! I also want to travel to Japan

38. Last place you were?
- in my school's library?

39. Do you have a crush?
- No, I actually miss crushing on someone.

40. Last time you kissed someone?
- I don't remember. Probably back when I was a kid or something. I'm not very affectionate at all.

41. Last time you were insulted?
- Oh god. That one time my sister and I were going home from campus and we were tired as hell. I was just wearing a short short and a hoodie since it wasn't cold and it wasn't that hot either. Some old lady talked to the person next to her on the bus and said "look at what she's wearing. if that was my daugther, she wouldn't be able to leave the house" Like please care about yourself. I can wear whatever I want.

42. Favourite flavour of sweet?
- I don't get this question?

43. What instruments do you play?
- I play the guitar and I used to play the clarinet and recorder back in elementary school. It was mandatory lol

44. Favourite piece of jewelry?
- Earring, chokers and necklaces. Oh and rings

45. Last sports you played?
- Taekwondo

46. Last song you sang?
- Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by N'SYNC in my mom's car

47. Favourite chat up line?
- Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

48. Have you ever used it?
- NO I WILL NEVER USE IT lmao So cringey

49. Last time you hung out with anyone?
- Yesterday, with my best friend in the library.

50. Who should answer these questions next?
- Everyone who visits my blog and this post.

If you've made it this far, congrats! You the real MVP

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Memory Lane

I've been contemplating whether if I should post this or not. I just couldn't find the right words and sentences to write this story. But since its the finals and I needed some excuse to take a break from studying, I thought this was the best excuse. This finals have also been making me feel quite emotional all of a sudden. I feel like I didn't do my best this semester.

So basically, that is not what I came here for. About 3-4 days ago, I stalked my own Facebook profile. Yes, I'm taking the creepiness to the next level by stalking myself. I checked all my posts and my friends' all the way to 2007. I realized I have lost and gained friends here and there and it was just a little sad seeing all our conversations back in elementary and high school days. There was not much posts from elementary since I came to Canada during half of the 7th grade. I basically just went for 1 1/2 years.

The posts mostly came from my friends from my first high school. Seeing it now makes me regret my decision of moving to another school. We were all so close back then, even to the point that we had our own tradition yearly, tobogganing and ice skating every winter. We did this for 2 years until I moved to another high school.

It was a shame. I didn't know that move would cause so many fall outs with my friends. I barely have contacts with my best friend anymore. I feel like it's been around 2 years since we last decided to meet. I haven't seen them since though they all still hang out together, except without me. I did have some new friends from my new school but since I felt that I needed to fit in with my older friends, I neglected them in a way. That also resulted in us drifting apart. We still text here and there but it just wasn't the same anymore. We weren't the same stupid, careless teenagers we used to be.

Going through my old email was the hardest. Seeing all the emails my first high school friends exchanged with me made me extremely sad. It was a good run but it was a shame it didn't last. Though I still want to keep in touch, I'm just not good at talking first.

I've also realized that I wasn't the same person I used to be back in elementary and high school. I saw posts from my classmates and friends about how friendly and likeable I am. If only the 13-year old me knew how I was going to turn out, she'd be shocked. Now, I don't have that much friends, eats lunch by herself, and studies by herself in the library. With all these miscommunications, trust issues, friendship fall outs, I learned how to trust nobody and I learned how now to depend on anybody because they will all eventually leave.

I don't know where to place myself as I distanced myself from both of my high school group of friends. It's sad not knowing you don't belong to something or anything. And I want to feel like I belong to something once more.

Fighting!

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Drunk in Love

Here I am again. I remember I wrote a similar post 2 to 3 years ago. That post was about somebody who had brought happiness into my life when I was at my darkest times. This time, another person has come to replace this position. Though the person I wrote about 3 years ago was a different person, the person I will be talking about is just as important. If not, much more important actually.

I loved the first guy, I really did, just like I love the recent person I'm talking about now. Like they always say, you can love many people in your lifetime, but you never love them the same. I just happened to love the recent person a little more than the old times.

Thank you for always cheering me up when I'm down.
Thank you for always making me feel better when I feel sad and lost.
Thank you for always calming me with just the sound of your laugh.
Thank you for always making everything better with just a curve on your lips
Thank you for always being there every time I need you.
and
Thank you for simply just existing and letting me know you.
It's really a miracle that God let me live this lifetime knowing you.

Though I may seem lacking, I'm actually doing my best in everything.
Actually, I don't think I'm even trying at all. And I hate that about myself the most. I can never commit to something. I can never do my best in everything. But you were always there to smile.
You were always radiating happiness, though I know at times, you also had your dark moments and I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to console you. But I know, your best friends were there to help ease the pain and every time I think of that, I feel like I can breathe a little better.

I've actually liked you for quite some time now. I was in denial for the longest time and I regret not going out of the closet with my feelings. I just want to say that I will always be here for you. You can always count on me. Just look behind and I'll always appear behind your back, cheering you on with everything you decide to do, just like what you are doing to me right now.

Though I am too afraid to get too close to you, I still don't regret it. You were always shining without me and always will be. I'm afraid that If I get too close, I would be too clingy. I don't want to drag your wings down. I am very contented in watching you from afar. Thank you for letting me know you. I've always lived my life in complete darkness, but you, you were always shining.  I wasn't going to make this post public, but my feelings were everywhere and I wanted to get it out. It's funny, I always talk about you like you put all the stars in the night sky, but in reality, all those stars, I saw in your eyes every time I looked at you.

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The Sunday Currently | 8

Whoah. It has been a while since my last post for this series. I haven't actually been doing a lot lately, just catching up to assignments and projects for school. Anyways, I'm just finding an excuse not to do one of my marcoeconomics assignment and I thought this is a good excuse so shall we?

The Sunday Currently | 8 

Reading tweets from my Twitter timeline

Writing this SoonWoo angst drabble that I have been working on for over a month but can't seem to ever finish. 

Wonwoo promised himself he wouldn’t break down at the ceremony. He promised, he really did, but he knows he won’t be able to control himself the moment he sees the casket in front of him.

Damn, I need to finish this but life and reality is getting in the way.

 

Listening to nothing in particular. I could hear the airplanes outside though, somehow the area above my house is a path for airplanes since I see them all the time and the noise, oh the noise, it's annoying. 

Smelling the facial cleanser that I used to wash my face. It's a Clean & Clear product.

Wishing that I get to study in Korea for my degree in International Business. 

Hoping to get a job so I can support myself if ever I get accepted to the international program in Korea for a bachelor's degree. 

Wearing a black and white long-sleeved shirt from H&M and a jogging pants from Forever21

Loving the fact that we found a house that has a swimming pool. I'm also loving the fact that I only have 5 more months of school left then I will be free from college!!

Wanting a chocolate brownie or a cake!! I've been craving! A chocolate cookie will do!

Needing a long break from school but this ain't happening soon.  

Feeling tired, COLD, and sleepy.

Clicking through my Twitter feed before I get back to writing and hopefully finish this SoonWoo drabble Ive been postponing to do.

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Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

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This is Me Popping Out of Nowhere

Been a long time blogger! Haven't had extra time to actually sit and make a blog post. We finally moved into our new house, after so many problems from the opposite side. We had to stay in a disgusting hotel for 4 days since the owner asked if they could extend since they were having some financial problem. Must I say, it was the most awful 4 days of my 21 years of existence. The room was dirty, the walls were giving off some a pungent smell of dead flesh. (I am not joking) It was disgusting and to think I laid on their bed for 4 days makes me so icky up to this day. Also, the walls were so thin, you could hear the people from the other room profess their love to each other every night which was not okay, considering we had a minor with us.

Anyways, I would like to forget those 4 agonizing days in that hotel. We still hasn't fully settled in the new house yet, though most of the furniture and stuff are already loaded inside. It is extremely huge compared to our previous house that it actually makes me lonely. Hahaha. The The heater vents aren't even enough to warm the whole house which is why everyone is always wearing some type of winter clothing. But I really love it. The looks of the kitchen is so fancy and aesthetic. It's honestly my favourite part of the house, excluding the swimming pool. The swimming pool is what sold the house when we first saw it. Just a bummer we can't use it yet since the weather is starting to plummet to the negative side.

Life's been fairly treating me well, if I must say. Or should I just say, I finally don't care about things that's been bothering me. It feels like something has been lifted off my shoulder. I decided it's best to just focus on the things that I like and enjoy the most. Though school is still trying to kick my ass. I'm trying to catch up on assignments this week since it is reading week. Reading week is a week break off from school for mental purposes. I'm actually glad they do this in colleges/universities. Otherwise, I would have lost my sanity a long time ago. But I'm keeping it up together! I'll be doing my notes and assignments after this blog post. I swear!

In other news, I've also got back into the twitter world. I kinda just fell out of it after taking a hiatus on Infinite. I needed to get out of twitter to push my GPA up. During this time, I have realized I fell out of the Infinite fandom and the whole KPOP genre in general. But all it took me was a video of Seventeen and I finally got back into twitter. I don't tweet for Infinite anymore though. People change. Also, I've just finished the Korean drama, W, and it ruined my life. Why do they have to end it like that???

Till next time~

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