Friday, May 26, 2017


You know there are times, so many times, where I would write my thoughts and feelings in this blog but never actually publishes it. I don't know. I just feel like it shouldn't be posted because who would want to read such a negative post in the first place? No one. Usually, these "posts" are usually made between 2am to 3am, where my irrelevant thoughts are usually scattered everywhere.

Sometimes when I listen to music during these times, I suddenly think to myself, "what am I doing with my life?", "why did I end up like this?" and so many other things that just makes me feel useless. Why am I living my life this way when all my friends have already gone and fixed their lives. I would be lying if I say I'm not envious, I'm extremely envious. How nice would it be to have my life together like that too. I just don't know how to start over.

Why am I not able to get a job? It's been so long since I left my job. Maybe I shouldn't have left it. I should have just held in every insult the chefs and customers have made to me every shifts. Now I feel like I don't belong to anything and I feel so empty. I wanna feel like I belong again. But how do I do that when not even a convenience store would hire me. I just don't get it. My resume's not that bad looking.  I've got experience. I'm confused as to why I'm not getting calls and when I do get interviews, they always call me I'll call you back again which is the universal code to we dont want to hurt your feelings so we'll shoo you away with that sentence, have your hopes up for the next 2 weeks and not receive any call at all.

My life is such a mess right now. I can't even. I don't know. I just. It's been like this for too long.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

I /had/ a Job

Ok first things first, this is probably going to be a long read. So if you have time and are curious, sit back and relax. I'd always write how much I needed a job on this blog. I needed money for myself, family emergencies and Seventeen also announced their tour in Toronto. So I thought if I applied for every open position on this job board, maybe I'd get at least one interview. And so I did. It was an attendant for a laundromat. I walked in, got interviewed and got the job. It was amazing since it was literally only blocks away from my house. I could go literally go home for my break and come back and still have time. That's how close it was.

Prior to my first day, I wouldn't say I slept early but I slept earlier than when I usually do. It was around 11pm when I settled down on my bed. But no matter how much I try to sleep, I just couldn't. My heart would beat so fast without any reason and I actually got on twitter and told my friends through direct message. Eventually I did fall asleep around 2am but was met with a heart palpitations so severe it woke me up and could hear it. Out of nowhere, I just felt like I needed to search up reviews on my job.

I wasn't expecting anything to come up since it was just a small landromat. But I was shocked to click on a website with complaints from previous employees. In the website, a former employee stated that he always comes up with an excuse saying a newly hired employee quit. Before I went to sleep, he had actually called me to say that the newly hired college girl quit on the spot. I didn't find it suspicious it was the time before I checked the reviews. It also says there that he was a drug addict and a high key pervert. Another employee commented that when she used to work there, he would rub against her.

I definitely could not sleep. I ended up sleeping at 4am. My mom went in an hour later to wake up me. I was afraid to tell her about it since she was so happy about me finally getting a job but I had texted my sister about it the moment I find the website. She was concerned and she usually does not show her feelings. So I was surprised. But something told me that I should tell my mom and then I did. She said she suddenly feels weird and nervous that something was going to happen to me. But I went anyway. My shift was 8am when it was initially 4pm. Remember when he said an employee quit? He told me to take her morning shift instead.

So I walked to work but he was late for about 15-20 minutes. I was waiting outside for so long and I'm the type of person who are always cold so I was dying out there. He eventually apologized for being tardy and not even 5 minutes in, he said that he forgot something at home and that he would come back home, get it and would be back to the store in a few seconds. I thought hmm okay maybe his house is near. I got customers who were angry because I couldn't take their clothes because I still don't know how to work their things. Not unless they wanted me to ruin their clothes. Few seconds my ass. It took him over an hour.  When he came back, he reeked of marijuana and the smell of the laundromat was unbearable.

He kept ordering me to do a task and before I could even finish it, he'd order me to do things again. And before I finished that task, he'd make me do something else again. He probably made me do about 20 chores in which all of them, I had not finished because he was constantly telling me to drop it and go to another task. He also got angry because I poured the soap first when he said it should have been the fabric softener first. Like what the fuck? He kept touching my hand when he was teaching me how to fold clothes. Bitch, I'm 22, don't you think I know how to fold clothes? A fucking pervert. During break, he kept inviting me to his office to eat. His non-existent office.

I spent 7 hours there before I thought I really can't take this anymore. At the same time, he screamed at me to keep up the fast pace because I still have a lot of things to do. Mind you that this was 30 minutes before my time is done. So I told him, what do you mean, its almost my time and I also have an appointment moved this afternoon since you changed my shift. During that time, a female walked in and asked if he's hiring. She got hired on the spot without even looking at her resume. So I was wondering if she had not came in, he would have probably kept me in there for another 8 hours because I realized, I was the only employee in that day. He told me he'll see me on Thursday (which is today) but I didn't tell him I'm quitting.

I left before my time and asked my other sister (the youngest) to meet me at the library near the place. I told her everything and I told my second sister when we got home and she said "you are so weak, if he constantly touched me, I would have ripped his balls with my own hands." Sent laughter to the 3 of us. I told my mom when she got home and she wanted to march down to the place and kill him. Told my dad and he surprisingly told me to quit and not even take the money. He usually just tells me to suck it up when I complain about work.

Wednesday night, he kept calling my phone but I didn't answer. He probably wants me to come in early because the new employee quit But that's just my theory. My mom told me to leave a message saying I quit because I was afraid to face him personally and tell him I aint coming back. So I waited until the store was closed and I left a message. Thursday morning, a few hours before this post, he kept calling and even left a message. I still have not opened it.

I'm sad that I don't have a job anymore and money for Seventeen concert and for my personal use but that's how I quit on the first day of work. But I'm so happy that I don't have to see that pervert drug addict man.


Saturday, April 08, 2017

The Sunday Currently | 10

Oh gosh! It's been a long time since I've last posted a Sunday Currently post! I have been so busy with my winter semester, it's been hella crazy, tiring and exhausting. I couldn't remember when was the last time I posted here. I wasn't able to reply to comments as well. Sorry! I've got 2 more weeks left of school and I'm still looking for a summer job because I won't be able to afford my summer semester ㅠㅠ. Anyways, I have some time to do a post, so here it is.

The Sunday Currently | 10

Reading Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Writing this post + my importing final exam review notes 

Listening Nuest's Hello!! I can't believe this song has been released years ago. I remember this was my bop when I was in high school. I was watching PD 101 season 2 and they played it during Nues't's introduction and I can't believe I forgot about it. It's now on repeat.

Smelling that Glade thing you plug on the power socket and it makes the room smells good lol

Wishing for the semester to end well.

Hoping the two-toned lip tint I ordered to arrive faster!!! 

Wearing a jeggings + my H&M striped top

Loving scrolling through Instagram that posts bullet journal photos!! I've been so obsessed with them lately

Wanting to buy cute school supplies for my bullet journalling obsession 

Needing a job lol. How long have I've been saying this?

Feeling sick. Boo. I caught a cold a few days ago.

Clicking through my email and deleting unnecessary spam mails.  

Yey. Now I should be back to studying. I still have 2 more big assignments left for the semester OTL. 

Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

Monday, January 23, 2017

Open Letter | Best Friend

I've been contemplating whether I should start an open letter series on this blog. I don't know how long I will be active on blogger and it would be nice to have something to look and think woah was I like that during my younger days. Something to ponder when I get older you know. So for my first open letter series, I introduce you to an open letter to my former best friend.

Time sure does fly. 10 years. 

It's been 10 freaking long years. How the heck have you been? I don't really know where, when and why our relationship started falling apart. I mean, I did have some assumptions and ideas after our encounter at school as to why. I know change is inevitable but I didn't think that would happen to us. But it did. Must have been a puberty thing, haha. You were growing into the man that I have always knew you were going to be. You have always been smart and you know what you've always wanted to be in life. 

I guess our views in life just didn't seem to match up. It's such a bummer that we drifted apart. When I first came to Canada, my world seemed so terrifying. Learning a new language that I didn't know, new environments and new friends seemed to terrify the shit out of me. I was barely 12. I still remember that first-time jitters that I felt as the principal accompanied me to the classroom. And there you were. You were smiling and everything and we hit it off right away! Everyone would be jealous of our friendship. Every lunch time, you would go to the corner store and buy me these unusual looking candies that I have never seen in my life. And everyone would keep begging me to give them. sigh. I miss the elementary life. Remember when we went to Science Centre? I don't want to get into the details of what we did there but I'm sure you remember it vividly because I do. I won first place there out of all the Catholic schools who entered the competition.

High school came. And everything just seemed to be changing around me. Even you. I saw you that day with a girl. To this day, I could still make up what that girl's face looked like. She gave me that look. You know that "why are you friends with her" look. Up to this day, I don't know if she was your girlfriend at the time. We just stopped talking after that. And I hate myself for it. I wonder if you feel the same as well.

I just want to let you know that even after all these years, I would still want to be your best friend in a heartbeat. Well, that is if you ever ask me again or if we ever meet again. I don't even know if you still live in the same address or if you're still in contact with our group of friends or if you still love that candy you always buy at the corner store near school. I'll always be here for you even if you're not.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

The Sunday Currently | 9

Yes, I'm so happy I did 2 post in 1 day. It's been a long time since I did my last Sunday Currently series. It's Sunday, that means school starts tomorrow for everyone except for me. Mine starts on the 11th. Another semester is waiting for me to stress about. Lmao but hopefully I kick its butt before it does to me. 

The Sunday Currently | 9

Reading David Levithan's Every Day plus my mentions and direct messages on Twitter

Writing this particular post

Listening to Seventeen's 웃음 꼿. It's an amazing song! It's my favourite song from their Going Seventeen album! Please give it a listen. 

Smelling nothing in particular. This part always makes me sniff out of nowhere.

Wishing my GPA to rise

Hoping (havent ordered it yet but) for my Seventeen album to arrive fast 

Wearing my Taekwondo pants, a white V-neck shirt and a hoodie

Loving Seventeen lately. I'm literally head over heels over them.

Wanting to collect all of Seventeen's albums and ahh everything!!

Needing a job to be able to fund my fangirl lifestyle

Feeling tired and sleepy! 

Clicking through Koreanmall and Yesstyle looking for things to buy

This post felt so short I originally intended not to post it. But here it is anways. 

Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

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