Memory Lane

I've been contemplating whether if I should post this or not. I just couldn't find the right words and sentences to write this story. But since its the finals and I needed some excuse to take a break from studying, I thought this was the best excuse. This finals have also been making me feel quite emotional all of a sudden. I feel like I didn't do my best this semester.

So basically, that is not what I came here for. About 3-4 days ago, I stalked my own Facebook profile. Yes, I'm taking the creepiness to the next level by stalking myself. I checked all my posts and my friends' all the way to 2007. I realized I have lost and gained friends here and there and it was just a little sad seeing all our conversations back in elementary and high school days. There was not much posts from elementary since I came to Canada during half of the 7th grade. I basically just went for 1 1/2 years.

The posts mostly came from my friends from my first high school. Seeing it now makes me regret my decision of moving to another school. We were all so close back then, even to the point that we had our own tradition yearly, tobogganing and ice skating every winter. We did this for 2 years until I moved to another high school.

It was a shame. I didn't know that move would cause so many fall outs with my friends. I barely have contacts with my best friend anymore. I feel like it's been around 2 years since we last decided to meet. I haven't seen them since though they all still hang out together, except without me. I did have some new friends from my new school but since I felt that I needed to fit in with my older friends, I neglected them in a way. That also resulted in us drifting apart. We still text here and there but it just wasn't the same anymore. We weren't the same stupid, careless teenagers we used to be.

Going through my old email was the hardest. Seeing all the emails my first high school friends exchanged with me made me extremely sad. It was a good run but it was a shame it didn't last. Though I still want to keep in touch, I'm just not good at talking first.

I've also realized that I wasn't the same person I used to be back in elementary and high school. I saw posts from my classmates and friends about how friendly and likeable I am. If only the 13-year old me knew how I was going to turn out, she'd be shocked. Now, I don't have that much friends, eats lunch by herself, and studies by herself in the library. With all these miscommunications, trust issues, friendship fall outs, I learned how to trust nobody and I learned how now to depend on anybody because they will all eventually leave.

I don't know where to place myself as I distanced myself from both of my high school group of friends. It's sad not knowing you don't belong to something or anything. And I want to feel like I belong to something once more.

Fighting!

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Drunk in Love

Here I am again. I remember I wrote a similar post 2 to 3 years ago. That post was about somebody who had brought happiness into my life when I was at my darkest times. This time, another person has come to replace this position. Though the person I wrote about 3 years ago was a different person, the person I will be talking about is just as important. If not, much more important actually.

I loved the first guy, I really did, just like I love the recent person I'm talking about now. Like they always say, you can love many people in your lifetime, but you never love them the same. I just happened to love the recent person a little more than the old times.

Thank you for always cheering me up when I'm down.
Thank you for always making me feel better when I feel sad and lost.
Thank you for always calming me with just the sound of your laugh.
Thank you for always making everything better with just a curve on your lips
Thank you for always being there every time I need you.
and
Thank you for simply just existing and letting me know you.
It's really a miracle that God let me live this lifetime knowing you.

Though I may seem lacking, I'm actually doing my best in everything.
Actually, I don't think I'm even trying at all. And I hate that about myself the most. I can never commit to something. I can never do my best in everything. But you were always there to smile.
You were always radiating happiness, though I know at times, you also had your dark moments and I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to console you. But I know, your best friends were there to help ease the pain and every time I think of that, I feel like I can breathe a little better.

I've actually liked you for quite some time now. I was in denial for the longest time and I regret not going out of the closet with my feelings. I just want to say that I will always be here for you. You can always count on me. Just look behind and I'll always appear behind your back, cheering you on with everything you decide to do, just like what you are doing to me right now.

Though I am too afraid to get too close to you, I still don't regret it. You were always shining without me and always will be. I'm afraid that If I get too close, I would be too clingy. I don't want to drag your wings down. I am very contented in watching you from afar. Thank you for letting me know you. I've always lived my life in complete darkness, but you, you were always shining.  I wasn't going to make this post public, but my feelings were everywhere and I wanted to get it out. It's funny, I always talk about you like you put all the stars in the night sky, but in reality, all those stars, I saw in your eyes every time I looked at you.

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The Sunday Currently | 8

Whoah. It has been a while since my last post for this series. I haven't actually been doing a lot lately, just catching up to assignments and projects for school. Anyways, I'm just finding an excuse not to do one of my marcoeconomics assignment and I thought this is a good excuse so shall we?

The Sunday Currently | 8 

Reading tweets from my Twitter timeline

Writing this SoonWoo angst drabble that I have been working on for over a month but can't seem to ever finish. 

Wonwoo promised himself he wouldn’t break down at the ceremony. He promised, he really did, but he knows he won’t be able to control himself the moment he sees the casket in front of him.

Damn, I need to finish this but life and reality is getting in the way.

 

Listening to nothing in particular. I could hear the airplanes outside though, somehow the area above my house is a path for airplanes since I see them all the time and the noise, oh the noise, it's annoying. 

Smelling the facial cleanser that I used to wash my face. It's a Clean & Clear product.

Wishing that I get to study in Korea for my degree in International Business. 

Hoping to get a job so I can support myself if ever I get accepted to the international program in Korea for a bachelor's degree. 

Wearing a black and white long-sleeved shirt from H&M and a jogging pants from Forever21

Loving the fact that we found a house that has a swimming pool. I'm also loving the fact that I only have 5 more months of school left then I will be free from college!!

Wanting a chocolate brownie or a cake!! I've been craving! A chocolate cookie will do!

Needing a long break from school but this ain't happening soon.  

Feeling tired, COLD, and sleepy.

Clicking through my Twitter feed before I get back to writing and hopefully finish this SoonWoo drabble Ive been postponing to do.

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Join The Sunday Currently link up, originally composed by siddarthornton here!

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This is Me Popping Out of Nowhere

Been a long time blogger! Haven't had extra time to actually sit and make a blog post. We finally moved into our new house, after so many problems from the opposite side. We had to stay in a disgusting hotel for 4 days since the owner asked if they could extend since they were having some financial problem. Must I say, it was the most awful 4 days of my 21 years of existence. The room was dirty, the walls were giving off some a pungent smell of dead flesh. (I am not joking) It was disgusting and to think I laid on their bed for 4 days makes me so icky up to this day. Also, the walls were so thin, you could hear the people from the other room profess their love to each other every night which was not okay, considering we had a minor with us.

Anyways, I would like to forget those 4 agonizing days in that hotel. We still hasn't fully settled in the new house yet, though most of the furniture and stuff are already loaded inside. It is extremely huge compared to our previous house that it actually makes me lonely. Hahaha. The The heater vents aren't even enough to warm the whole house which is why everyone is always wearing some type of winter clothing. But I really love it. The looks of the kitchen is so fancy and aesthetic. It's honestly my favourite part of the house, excluding the swimming pool. The swimming pool is what sold the house when we first saw it. Just a bummer we can't use it yet since the weather is starting to plummet to the negative side.

Life's been fairly treating me well, if I must say. Or should I just say, I finally don't care about things that's been bothering me. It feels like something has been lifted off my shoulder. I decided it's best to just focus on the things that I like and enjoy the most. Though school is still trying to kick my ass. I'm trying to catch up on assignments this week since it is reading week. Reading week is a week break off from school for mental purposes. I'm actually glad they do this in colleges/universities. Otherwise, I would have lost my sanity a long time ago. But I'm keeping it up together! I'll be doing my notes and assignments after this blog post. I swear!

In other news, I've also got back into the twitter world. I kinda just fell out of it after taking a hiatus on Infinite. I needed to get out of twitter to push my GPA up. During this time, I have realized I fell out of the Infinite fandom and the whole KPOP genre in general. But all it took me was a video of Seventeen and I finally got back into twitter. I don't tweet for Infinite anymore though. People change. Also, I've just finished the Korean drama, W, and it ruined my life. Why do they have to end it like that???

Till next time~

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Ive Been Lazy

Hey guys! Contrary to my last post (which was posted ages ago), I haven't been really that great on keeping this blog updated. It's been a month since my last post and I haven't found the motivation to keep it going. I really don't have any excuses as to why I've been slacking. I'm just very lazy. Since we're also in the process of moving houses, I guess that also made a big part of why I am lazy. From the beginning and the ending of renovations, I was the one in charge of watching the workers, so it was tiringsome. I had to wake up earlier than usual and I was just so out of it these days.

Anyways though, we have sold the house and also bought a new one. The house is quite bigger than our old one, though the new rooms are way smaller. Way too small. I'm not complaining though, The swimming pool makes up for it. Just a bummer, we wont be able to use it since the closing is October. It'll be cold by then. Nothing exciting has been going on in my life since I don't go out much.

I don't know if you guys know I love KPOP but I do. I've been active again on my twitter. After a hiatus on stanning Infinite, I couldn't really fall back into the fandom. I've stanned them since 2012 so it was really hard to accept the fact that I don't feel excited as much anymore. So, I made the decision to just let them go. Also around the same time, I got into Seventeen and I fell hard. I slipped into the diamond life.  After a long denial, I finally decided to officially stan them.

I have nothing much to share. Till next time!

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