Procrastination!!

My mind is seriously this close to exploding because of all the stress I'm getting from school. //tries to calm down// I should be finishing my customs assignment but I somehow found myself on blogger. I was trying so hard not to go here but I guess I'll just talk about what I did this past few days. This way, I can forget about school stress, even if its just for a little bit.

This is a page from my bullet journal. I drew this while trying to finish some late business assignment. I am prone to procrastination and this is what happened. I wasnt able to finish my assignment that day but at least I got to finish this one. Hahahaha.

Here is another one of my creation. I tried doodling this using the Sharpie marker and without using a ruler but it looked quite messy so I ended using my Pilot's gel pen and a ruler. It took me forever to finish this since yes, you guessed it, I was doing my assignments and my notes in between. I kept taking breaks and watching a drama. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN DESCENDANTS OF THE SUN? Lord jesus, that drama is so intense. I can't even. Every episode takes about 10 years off of my life. It is that intense. Joong Ki, my love.

Roughly about 8 hours later, here is the final product of my doodling session. My dad kept telling me to stop wasting paper and ink for this. It turned out pretty nice though! What do you think?

This was taken last Friday. I skipped my Customs class just so I can study for my Human Resource midterm test. I literally stayed here for about 4 hours studying. My butt have never felt so numb that day. This was in the E building. That building is my favourite because there is usually no one around because it is one of the old buildings. I only left this spot when I bought lunch, only to come back here because I didn't like the crowded cafeteria. Fortunately, the questions that my prof gave us for review were the same questions on the test and I finished within 30 minutes.

Lastly, my mildliner finally came in the mail!! It only took about 4 months. /sarcasm intended/ Apparently, the shipment got lost and was sent to another country. I ordered this along with my HR textbook on January. I complained and sent the company a message and said they will send me a new one. Come to think of it, I should have asked them to refund me the money and send it to me for free because of the very long wait. But here it is now!! So happy!!

Anyways, this is it for today. It's almost midnight and I still have to go to school tomorrow to meet my groupmate. Ughhh. Tomorrow is my day off. But for the sake of my marks, I'll sacrifice tomorrow. Now, back to my assignments. I need to finish it tonight!

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Should I Do or Should I Not

I've been postponing this assignment for as long as I can remember and now that the due date is coming up, I just had to open it up. I've always been fond of the thought of being in front of a camera. I'm not the type of student who religiously study so whenever my parents would tell me to study harder because education is the key to success, I would always answer, "I'll just be an actress". I've never really had to stand in front of a camera before so I don't know how it feels.

A long long time ago though, back when I was still living in the Philippines and I was still a fetus 9 years old, I was scouted by a producer when my mom and I were walking in Quiapo. They were making a movie. I forgot what it was since it had been so long. My mom turned it down since we were going to migrate in Canada. Now that I think about it, I should've told my mom I wanted to do it.

Long story short, my business assignment has to do with filming. For some reason, I don't like the idea of my face being in a video. It just feels awkward. I don't know why. I do still wish I was an artista though. Jason Dy can be my leading man. Lol. Anyways, for my assignment, I have to make a video selling myself to employers. Even now, I'm cringing at the thought of seeing my face on a video, let alone my cringe[y] voice. It's worth 65 marks and I just can't bear to lose that much marks. I've already had perfect scores for my last 4 assignments.

I don't even know if this post is about my childhood fantasies or my assignment dilemma.

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Group Assignments Should Be Banned!

Who invented group projects and assignments? He must be the devil. Every time one of my courses has a group assignment, my eyes literally rolls back into the back of my brain. I hate the idea of group assignment. It's either I get a high mark or a low mark. There is no in between. I only get high marks when I take charge and do most of it but I'm done being the goody-two-shoes and always being used.

For my HR class, we had a group assignment assigned to us about 3 weeks ago. Our team consisted of 5 people. 4 of which were the same nationality. They could not speak English properly and they never let me do anything! I don't have anything against people whose English is not their first language. It isn't mine either. They literally just speak to each other in their language and I'm just sitting there like a log. It's really annoying. Every time I do my part and send it to them, they always erase my name and put it at the end of the name list. What the hell is that?

I stayed for another 3 hours after my Friday class in order to finish my part. I just needed to get it out of the way because I've been stressing so much about it. So I stayed for a total of 10 hours in campus. Saturday came, it was the due date for our assignment. It's today. I received a text message from 3 of them saying they didn't do the evaluation part. My eyes were rolled back behind my brain at this point and it never went back out. I was so pissed.

I was already relaxing at home and I had to hurriedly do the evaluation. Then I told them that I had already finish and submitted it to the online dropbox and they told me they want to see it first to check if it was right. Ugh. I, myself, knows it is correct 100% in terms of grammar and spelling. I just hate group assignments in general. I hate working with people.

One thing I learned from group assignments is that I hate people. This is probably the reason why Batman prefers to work alone. Group assignments should be banned. They just destroy relationships between classmates. I hate everyone in that class.

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College Life

My class starts at 3;30pm every Thursdays but somehow I went to school at 7:30am. I had 8 hours to spare so I decided I would try and be productive by finishing up homework that I didn't touch during my reading week. I decided to drop an online class today as well. It was very difficult to navigate and I just hate online classes in general. I'm the type of student who likes face-to-face interaction with professors. The advisor asked me if I really wanted to do it since the due date for dropping courses with full refund had already passed and I still went ahead with it. After getting out of the room, I cried a little because that was a lot of money. It's not even my money. It's from a student loan and I feel like I had thrown it away.

Why is it that I drop a class every semester? It feels like it's a habit. I'm just wasting time and wasting money. Money that I don't know how I will be able to pay back after graduating. Here I am, going into my 5th semester, still don't know what I want to do with my life. All my friends from high school are already graduated and are graduating. Some of them are working full time and some of them have families of their own and here I am, still dying from school.

Everyone I know always feel like they know what they're doing. They always seem like they're in the right path. They actually enjoy being in their major. My previous major was Accounting and that didn't go too well and I ended up transferring to International Business. I must say, my GPA did soar a lot higher than when I was in Accounting so even if I'm not into business that much, I would rather just finish and get my diploma. I just want to graduate just like everybody else. I hate being left out in the society.

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He has beautiful eyes. Literally.

I wasn't actually going to write today but there's this one thing that was bothering me for the longest time. I can't really say it was bothering me because it's a good kind of feeling. It's more of a I-cannot-fall-asleep-because-of-the-guy-I-like kind of thing. I wanted to write it down cause if I don't, I will go crazy. I met him in my operation management class last semester. My first impression of him wasn't really that good. He sort of came out like a bad boy kinda type. He had girls all over him all the time. To be very honest, I didn't pay any attention to him at all. He was just another person in the class. 

Then we met again this fall semester and we had 2 classes together. Still, didn't pay any attention to him until the second week of classes. I was waiting for the other class to finish so I could get in the classroom. He was pacing back and forth and it looked like he wanted to say something. One more pace and we locked eyes. He smiled and his eyes transformed into a line. Literally just a line. 

"How many classes do we have together? Cause i swear I keep seeing you everyday." 

"Uh. We only have 2 classes together I believe."  

"That's so weird. I could've sworn you were in at least 4 of my classes." 

He smiled again. The dimples under his eyes appeared. That's the thing I'm crazy for. A week after, I actually dreamed about him and I guess that's how it happened. 

Last week, we had a group in-class assignment, and I swear for the last 13 weeks, the professor doesn't put us in the same group. That is until last week when he let us choose whichever group we like. He had his hand on my shoulder and jumped from behind me and snatched my book. 

"Do you mind if we share your book?" He smiled again. Dang it.
I couldn't even speak.
"Well I guess you wouldn't mind."

He took the book and scooted next to me. I literally had to take a deep breath. I opened my phone just so it wouldn't be awkward.

"Do you have a son? Is that your baby?"
"Omg no. Why would you even think that?"
"I don't know. Just wanted to make sure"
"What about you? Do you have a son? I always see you go in the day care"
"Hell no, I'm not a father" //giggles//

The lock screen on my phone was my nephew's photo. He was so touchy. Not in a pervert way but just the normal touching between friends. He kept stealing my phone too. Too bad, that was our last class together. I didn't even get to ask for his number. I hope we get to be in the same class again. This was the longest post ever. Sobs. Still so disappointment at myself.

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Yes, I am still alive

Kinda needed a little update on myself. I haven't been updating my blog regularly, not just my blog, but all my social media accounts. They're all just rotting away. Just like my life. School has been draining my energy and it's not even funny. I started fall 2015 with 7 subjects and I ended up dropping a subject cause the workload was just too much. I've also turned 21 this month. Hope I can act, look and think like one. YEY.

Anyways, school has just eating up most of my time really. All I do is read books (yeah right), do quizzes online and assignments. Don't forget: NOTES! I need to always write notes because that's the only way I'll memorize and learn lessons. Such a curse. Also, I'm supposed to be on my work term this winter but can't seem to find the right job so I haven't even applied to any as of now. I don't know if the co-op would take me off since I haven't really done anything to find a job. But I got everything taken care of...hopefully...by my co-op and academic advisor, though I still haven't received my new model route. I guess I'll just wait.

Recently, I've developed this new boy crush once again. Kevin is finally out of the picture. Though, I still find myself trying to search for any of his whereabouts on the internet. The new boy toy is Justin. It's such a coincidence cause all the guys that I've ever had a crush on are either named Justin or Kevin. How weird is that? I'm such a hoe. Seriously, it seems like I have a new crush every single semester. When will I ever behave.

Back to the main topic, school. I'm doing good so far. Compared the my last semester in the accounting program, International Business is way better. I just hate all the presentations but oh well. My favourite subject is Psychology. My professor there is way too cool and its just...I never want to miss any of his classes. I should have taken him on a Monday at 8am instead. That way I'm sure I'm not going to skip it. I love it. My marks are above my expectations and I hope to keep it that way.

We are also planning on getting a puppy! How exciting is that?! I can't wait. ㅠㅠ. School's almost done and Christmas is on the way. New year is coming up and I still don't know how to write an epic closing sentence.

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two and a half more weeks

There is 16 more days left of school for me. Without counting the weekends, there's 12 more days left. So excited and happy to be finally out of school again (for the meantime) since I still have 2 more years to go. I am so stressed right now. So many assignments and projects due this week. Don't forget the tests also happening this week. I used to be such a hardworking student, what ever happened to me?

D+ for Math. 

Let's see if I could bring this up to at least a C. I would be very glad.

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151 of 365

It's been 3 months since my last post. I've been busy. Not really. I was just lazy as fuck. Well I finished my hell of a semester last month and I'm so fucking glad that was over. I'm thinking of switching programs but I'm just not sure which one. I don't really know and it stresses me so much. I shed so much tears in those last 2 months of 2nd semester. I'd like to thank my friends who was with me during tough times. Specially Fatima/dick friends. Shoutouts to you guys. I wouldn't be sane without you guys. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I mean it.

I really didn't do anything productive when I got out of school. All I did was go on twitter and update myself with Infinite and have a chat with my tlist. As always. I made numerous accounts for tumblr then deleting it again. I know I'm weird. My whole day literally just consisted of twitter/tumblr/youtube/blogger. I tried being productive but I just can't. I'm so lazy. I need help.

Two weeks after my summer vacation, my dentists told me to give her my resume because her husband's workplace is hiring and me being unemployed for the past 5 years thought why not? And so I gave her my resume the next day, along with my mom's, and lucky enough, they called me back after a week. So I got called in for an interview and I didn't know it was a restaurant tbh. I had to idea until I googled it at the last minute. Anyways, I got hired on the spot and the manager was really nice to me and we talked about my past experiences which was none.

It was actually my very first job. I attended their tasting event and I started working a week later. I started off as a food runner for two days because one of the manager thought I was hired as a food runner when I was actually a busser. So 3rd day, they switched me from running food to bussing. I had no training what-so-ever but they still put me on the job. The first week was fucking hell. It was so tiring. I've never done so much work in my life. My parent's doesn't even make me do heavy chores like those. It was a new experience to me.

Payday came though. My first paycheck wasn't big because I started when it was already their cutoff, so I only got paid for 2 days. The next payday came and all my hard work paid off. It was 3 times larger than my first paycheck and I got $200 worth of tips. I was really happy. I don't know what I'm gonna do with those money yet. Probably buy myself a phone because I've been phoneless for the last 6 years omg.

This is getting long and it doesn't even make sense anymore.

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Just My Luck

Hey guys! It's been a long time since my last post. It's been almost a month since semester 2 started and I haven't done any single thing on my new year's resolution list yet. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ Well, I've always been like thatㅡmaking plans and never starting them. Sigh. I wish I can change. I'm trying though. I haven't done much studying to be honest. I have been skipping a lot of classes which is really bad. I don't know. I hate skipping but I keep doing it. I really need immediate help.

A week ago, a family friend came in and just started talking about some business things and since I'm a business major, I was invited to the talk. You don't know how much I wanted the couch to swallow me whole right there. It was the boring(est) and shittiest talk I've had with anyone. She also introduced me and my parents to this business school.

TADA! I didn't know I was enrolled in that business school. Now I gotta worry about finding a job, college life and another school. As if I already didn't want to kill myself because of all the workload in college, I'm yet again enrolled in another business school. Am I being sensitive or what? It's just really annoying how my parents decides everything for me. Well it wasn't completely their fault. I said yes tooㅡbut only because they looked so happy imagining me being a businesswoman.

I just-idk. They have so high expectations of me, it scares me to death.

Did I tell you the classes was 5 hours long? I can barely stay awake in my 3 hour lectures. It's after my classes. So basically, after I'm done with my lectures, I am off to another school. Please kill me.

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Whatever

Whatever.
It has been my answer to every single thing in my life right now.

"Study for midterm."

"You need to ace this test."

"The whole family is counting on you."

"Don't let us down"

"Whatever."

I have so much shit to do and I don't even know how to start anymore. 

School's tiring me out. Is that even possible?  yes it is
I don't even know what keeps me going. Me? My parents? Or the tuition I paid thousands and thousands of dollars for?

I'm just really tired.

I still have a pile of work waiting for me but whatever.

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